Sight Words

How come we rarely notice the word "cancer"... Until they find a lump in your breast that wasn't on your last mammogram. Then the fucking word is EVERYWHERE!!!!!

All Things Pintrest

All Things Pintrest...

Yep...I'm still here...still alive...still struggling to find that sexy, swanky beast within...

I have so much to share but for today, I am simply trying to get my REALLY FREAKING AWESOME Halloween pictures on pintrest...so bear with me friends...

The first creation of the 2012 Halloween season!!!

Heros

Often when I ask people "Who is your hero", without fail, the same person has been their hero for ages.

Yep...Rosa Parks did something special (because she was tired), Clara Barton, Susan B. Anthony and so on and so forth but what about those people who do something monumental every day?!?!

My hero(s) can change from day to day or week to week.

My hero is the little boy, who, for 4+ years slept every night with his Momma then suddenly, one day, was alone in his own big boy bedroom braving the monsters under his new bed.

My hero is the tween-aged girl, who after years of being the "different kid", suddenly was part of a "group" and due to circumstances beyond her control, had to move 600 some miles away and start all over again.

My hero is the woman some idiot coined a "Clydesdale" who, at mile 20, bends over, pukes her guts out and then rallies to finish the last 6.2.

And today, my hero is my beloved Dr.Pip.

Now the Dr. certainly doesn't get the credit he deserves often enough, but today I will share his strength and publicly spread some kudos!

My husband has been a smoker for as long as I have known him and for years I have nagged him about quitting. I don't know if he took what I said to heart or if he decided to quit just to shut me the hell up, but on Valentine's day, the dear Dr. Pip decided to quit cold turkey.

As it turns out, the Dr.s decision to quit cold turkey was like asking me to quit cooking and eating...so (trying to be compassionate & empathetic), (I think) together, we agreed to something "workable":








That's all folks...3 Winston Lights a day in a crappy snack sized ziplock bag!!!







And just to put it into perspective how that crappy little ziplock bag would look in my world:

















That's right...I think I just might die if someone handed me a baggie like this in the morning and said "Have a great day...I love you".

SERIOUSLY?!?!?!

So after thinking about him for 8 miles yesterday morning, I decided today I would give him a 4:30 a.m. Vince Lombardi!

"Pip...I'm so very proud of your accomplishment thus far and I can only imagine what a difficult journey this is for you." "And honey, I've given a lot of thought to what I'm about to say (it actually dawned on me while I was painfully watching "time remaining" on the elliptical yesterday)...instead of looking at this cessation program from a "time remaining" perspective, look at it from a "time elapsed" position.

And there you have it...my profound Vince Lombardi-ish thoughts for my HERO!!!

Screaming KUDOS for a man who doesn't hear it enough (and selflessly marches off every morning to Corporate American Hell with some stinking little ziplock Baggie!!!!)

Cheers~

H


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Becoming A Prostitute...

Pillow talk last night with my beloved Doctor Pip went a little something like this:

Swanky Stay At Home Mom (SSAHM): I have something to confess...I've been keeping a secret. I made a commitment to run 1000 miles in 2012.

Dr. Pip (DP): How much are they paying you?

SSAHM: Nothing.

DP: How much are you paying them?

SSAHM: Nothing.

DP (looking EXTREMELY perplexed): Why?

I didn't have a logical explanation for myself or him, I just knew it was something I must do.

So...this morning, I got up before the world and put in the miles I missed yesterday.

Now usually when I run, my head is full of absolute nothingness. This morning however, I reflected on our pillow talk..."how much are they paying you?"

At that precise moment, I knew I would become a prostitute...or...at least pay myself for my services.

I decided I would pony up $1 for every mile I run this year and spend it exclusively on MYSELF!!!! Now it seems senseless to me to wait until the end of the year to pay myself so (being the swanky, former corporate paralegal) I decided quarterly payments would work swimmingly! And speaking of swimmingly, my first payment will be spent on the most divine navy tulle swimsuit I found at J. Crew!

Tonight's Hispanic Delight...Enchilada Pie with Seasoned Pinto Beans!!!!!

Tomorrow we move into "The Bubble" and while Verizon has attempted several times to dig up Mr. Sellers yard (pre-closing), I will be out of pocket getting everyone snuggled in for the next few days!

Have a fantastic weekend friends...tune in Monday for picts of my new "tools" but moreover, to thine own self be true!!!!

Cheers~

H

Aka...Swanky Stay at Home Mom from "The Bubble"!





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T-Minus 68 Days...

That's right...at exactly 12:05 a.m. TODAY I received this week's training plan for the first race of 2012!

Early 2011 saw two half marathons (exactly two weeks apart) and two 5k's...I ran the dread mill for the remainder of the year and somewhere in November I proclaimed a self diagnosed ailment (apathetic grey matter in nature) and went on hiatus. In December, I entered the 2012 DC Cherry Blossom lottery (at the very last minute in a raspberry vodka induced stupor) and the very next day I received my congratulatory letter...get ready fat ass, you're running 10 miles on April 1!!!!!!

After the packers and movers left me feeling extremely violated last week (well, not really violated...one of the packers asked if I wanted to keep my toothbrush) I thought I was emotionally ready to run. Then I looked out my rear view mirror this past Saturday and saw the MAGNIFICENT Detroit skyline (that's right...I used magnificent AND Detroit in the same sentence) disappearing way too quickly. After 42 years, I felt like something died...I felt a sudden sense of urgency to defend the team I had forever referred to as the "Loser Lions"...a sudden sense of urgency to tell the world I worked with Marshall the fry guy (the rest of you would later come to know him as Eminem) and he is truly a compassionate man...a sudden sense of urgency to defend (yep...I'm going to say it) DETROIT!

Fast forward...4:25 a.m. No way in the world I can start training today. I'll just sign up for another race some other time...this is just not my race. I spent all day vacillating...could I squeeze a quick run in before lunch...definitely not...after DH arrived home from work but before dinner...oh hell no...Cricket and Bubba were already chomping at the bit about a 6:00 p.m. dinner bell...yep...most definitely not my race...BUT THEN IT HAPPENED!!!!

I figured out the long lost password for the wireless!!!!!!!

The doctor decided he would use his savvy IT skills one day far back and managed to bugger it all up and up until this afternoon...anyone with a laptop stood in line waiting for their crack at the CAT 5 cable...AKA "The Golden Ticket".

Now...we were free birds and my iPad (which lay idle for days) shone one of the world's most beautiful sights...a simple bowl of pasta topped with fresh basil!!!

At this point I'm feeling ALIVE!!!!!

I'm not worried that I live in zone 7 and the basil in the store is not really "fresh"...I've got the next best thing, my trusted tube of Gourmet Garden Basil and I'm going to serious damage!!!

1/2 lbs. ground turkey breast
3 sweet Italian turkey sausage (casing removed)
2 leeks (use the whole damn thing...whites & greens)
28 oz can whole maters crushed by me + 2 fresh maters
Whole bunch of crushed garlic (I loathe chopping so I peel the paper off, smash them on the counter and toss them in whole...they'll cook down)
About 1/2 tube basil
Pinch of sea salt
Couple of cranks on the pepper mill

Brown turkey and leeks...add crushed maters, garlic, basil, salt and pepper and let it simmer all day. Just before serving, add about 2 tablespoons 1/2 & 1/2 (this will really mess 'em up...they'll think it's some bistro carryout!)

Throw it over some Ronzoni Smart Taste rotini (they'll never know it's good for them)

and Voila!!!!

So I'm back on track for tomorrow at 4:25 a.m. and all it took was a wireless connection and some squeeze basil!!!!!

Cheers~

H


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A Pinch of This...A Chunk of That...

So...as of Wednesday morning I still had absolutely no clue as to when the packers and movers would arrive.

In my head it was playing out like this...packers would arrive mid next week and the moving truck would be right behind...Friday. We would arrive to Maryland with our belongings not too far behind us. Truth be told, I really didn't care when the stuff arrived, as long as it was loaded and en route all would be fine!


Back to Wednesday morning...I let the Darling Doctor Pips voicemail have it (pretty early) and somewhere around noonish, he managed to plunge the "blockage" from the corporate commode. Packers to arrive Tuesday...truck to arrive Thursday. I can just about pinpoint the seconds I have left to look at all the "stuff" piled around the house, ready to be boxed.


I hear you...why is it all piled around if the packers have to do everything?


CONTROL.


No one can possibly do the job as well as I can, so I simplified it.


The china that will go in the dining room cabinet (which has up until this point been stored in its original packaging) is on the dining room table...deliver it all to the same room. How can they possibly screw that up?


A gazillion cookbooks are neatly stacked in piles around the living room organized alphabetically by ethnicity...they will go in the boxes as they are laid out so I will not have to reorganize them once they reach our destination.


NOW...back to "a pinch of this"...


With all said "stuff" eagerly awaiting the packers (not capitalized...not the football team)...I realized one of my prized tools has been sitting collecting dust for quite some time...Ze' Wok!!!


While I am in possession of all aforementioned cookbooks, I LOATHE all the turning back and forth to a page to read:


1/4 cup of this

1/5 tsp of that

Blah

Blah

Blah


My version of the something scrumptious above goes like this:


2 good sized handfuls of boneless, skinless tenders cut in bite sized chunks

A scoop of minced garlic

A chunk of fresh ginger

A few stalks of celery

A bunch of green onions

2 cans of mushrooms (the fresh ones at the market this morning looked like the shit they were grown in)

2 heads of romaine hearts sliced in very thin strips ( I choose very thin strips because it is the fastest and easiest for me!)

And finally...

A few shakes of Tamari...I prefer Tamari because it WAAAYYY lower in carbs.


I heat the wok on the stove at a medium high heat...


Toss everything in EXCEPT the romaine and flip it around in between helping Cricket with her homework and yelling at Bubba about how he is draining the battery on my iPad playing Games. Poof...by that time...it's been tossed twice...the chicken has the most wonderful golden brown color and I'm ready to throw in the romaine. Toss for just a few, then plate it up and enjoy!!!!


Now see...who needs some cookbook to make an incredible weeknight meal (trust me...I did't get this way licking lettuce!)


Stay tuned peeps...I can hardly wait to land in Maryland and show you my new arsenal of tools to obliterate the bulge!!!!!


Cheers~


H



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The Price You Pay...

I don't know if it's being a scattered brain tween or just sheer stupidity... The first time Cricket stepped in goose sh#t it was an "oops"...(personally, if I had been in her shoes...no pun intended...I would have been looking over my shoulder every few seconds or so as the stench was so deplorable!)

The second time however, left me scratching my head in a "what the flip" kind of way!!!!

So...the topic at the breakfast table this morning went something like this:

Swanky stay at home mom (SSAHM): Cricket...can you see the poop on the grass at the playground? (Having that plethora of worthless knowledge from my post secondary education I was genuinely concerned about histoplasmosis!)

Cricket: Mom...the poop is on the sidewalk near the bus stop.

SSAHM (extremely perplexed): Daughter...why don't you walk around the poop?

Cricket (as if SSAHM is a complete idiot): Mom...I would have to step off the sidewalk into the street to go around the poop.

SSAHM (even more perplexed that before): AND?!?!?!

Cricket: Are you giving me permission to walk in the street?

Again...looking at her attempting to decipher the "Crick-a-nese" she was spewing at this early hour, I could only sum it up like this:

"We live on a cul-de-sac...I'm not asking you to play in the middle of the interstate for an extended period of time during rush hour...step off the damn curb...take your 6 or so steps...get back on the sidewalk and proceed home...OTHERWISE...be prepared to wash your own dog-gone shoes because four soles (with ground in poop) in 2 days is this momma's limit!!!!!"

I'm not a betting type of woman, but if I were, I'd take every cent I have and bet it went in one ear and out the other and that dingy tween comes home today with goose poop on her new riding boots.

Boy...her safety guru daddy ought be proud!

Cheers~ H

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